Hire me, I’m great…

That’s precisely the big idea that a person’s resume should convey when he/she applies for a new job. A typical resume would range anywhere between two to four pages, all with details about the person’s qualifications, skills, achievements and so on. However, I recently came across a very brief resume which was sent across to me by my brother after he managed to pick himself up from the floor. That's because he was sure to have been rolling on the floor laughing after going through this masterpiece – he was screening a bunch of resumes and happened to come across this one.

I’ve seen good resumes, I’ve seen mediocre resumes and I’ve seen bad resumes. One common trait amongst all these has been that they usually have been more than one page long. But the resume which I mentioned before is a true masterpiece. I have pasted the contents of the resume below –

Looking for job change in Java & J2EE to work in creative & challenging environment where I can deliver my potential

Yes, that’s it! That’s all that there is in the document. Obviously, this is a winning resume! I would hire the guy without even bothering to interview him. After all, his oh-so-brief resumes tells a lot about him, doesn't it? I mean, one would have to be supremely confident about one's abilities to sum them up in one word and use the rest of the sentence to highlight the area of interest. This resume oozes confidence all around it. Heck, it has even got a total stranger dedicating an entire blog post to it! Talk about power of the written word. I am sure that this would set a new precedent in the job market by which resumes would shrink from numerous pages to single sentences, and who knows, maybe just a word! The day may not be far when I would prepare a new resume for a job posting as below -
Job posting - Looking for candidates with 4+ years of experience in 'Sarcastic Blogging'. Candidate must not be a team player and should refuse to work as part of a global team.

The resume that I would post - Me!

Sunday morning alert...

From my previous post, it would be quite obvious even to the intellectually challenged ones that I am a late riser. And I certify this little fact every weekend. Well, almost every weekend that is. There are times like today, when I am forced to wake up early in the morning. And the credit for this goes in full to that dumb family that has moved in our apartment two floors below my place. I think terming them as dumb would be an understatement, an insult to the ones who are actually dumb. These fellows are beyond anything stupid that I have ever seen or heard; and not just one person, but the entire family. I say this because I was woken up on a Sunday morning by the fire alarm that was wailing at 7 o’clock in the morning. That’s right. Kudos to the guy who designed that fire alarm – it did its job of awakening and attracting the attention of the entire apartment on a lazy Sunday (early) morning splendidly. The security guards dashed to the elevators to get in the building and check on which floor the alarm had gone off and the cause for it. But to everyone’s surprise, the elevators had gone to the basement and were refusing to budge! There was no choice left for them but to dash up the stairs and investigate. It was discovered then that the people whom I shall now refer to as the lowest form of life on earth – or LFLE were behind this early morning fire alert! It has been close to two weeks since they have moved in and they have successfully managed to spoil two weekends for me. Last week, they were blissfully having carpentry work done in their house till 8 o’clock in the night! I and my brother had to take the security to their house, throw the carpenters out of their house and mouth abuses to the folks there. And in spite of this, the lady of the house was wondering what the issue was – its only 8 in the night and why would anyone complain about a loud banging noise that has been going on the whole day?! Coming back to today morning, LFLE were celebrating their move into their house at 7 in the morning by performing a holy pooja of sorts – to which I have nothing against. But it is common sense that when they will be burning firewood in their house as part of the ritual, they should take the pains to disable the fire alarm for their house. The idiots were completely ignorant about this. Expectedly, a gush of smoke in their house triggered the fire alarm and rudely awoke me among many. And to top it all, hearing the fire alarm, senior LFLE had broken the ‘Emergency – In case of fire only’ glass and was pressing the button as if he had been given the chance to play around with someone who had just got silicon implants! No wonder then that the elevators in the building were disabled and the security guards had to run up the stairs to put things in order. And as if the LFLEs hadn’t done enough for the day, when the electrician came to reset the alarm, the suggestion that they gave him was –“Break the system so that it won’t wail again!” I would have paid the electrician handsomely if he had whipped out his spanner and beaten LFLE on his head till the spanner broke. I have seen dumb people but these ones are something different. For the two weeks that they have been here, they have managed to create some sort of nuisance. It remains to be seen what happens the next weekend. I wonder if they will burn the building down or flood it – should I sleep in fire proof clothing or in a life boat!

Proving Murphy right...

No, this is not about proving 'Robocop' right. Its the other Murphy; the one who comes to mind when something goes wrong - something that an incredibly small portion of your mind always told you, will.

I wonder if it is only me or many blessed souls out there, who constantly get this feeling that we are amongst the select few who happen to prove Murphy and his much publicised findings right all the time. Well, most of the times. Taking a classic example - after much deliberation, I think of a flawless shot to pocket a coloured ball while playing a frame of snooker. I have worked out the angles better than what Euclid could even begin to imagine. I have worked out the velocity of the cue ball to such an insane precision that Newton would have personally handed me the famous apple for it. With all this engineering in place, I play the much thought out shot only to see the cue ball disappear down the unfathomable depths of one of the table pockets. Why? Oh, yes. The geometry that I applied to picture the angle before I played the shot conveniently ignored the red ball, snoozing ridiculously near the target of my attention, and its evil effects. This was enough the make my opponent accept 4 points for a foul with a wide grin. But then again, a small part of me had this strange feeling - what if I hit the red ball by mistake?